Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Lucas Strikes Back

Ain't It Cool News has posted this screen capture allegedly taken from the upcoming DVD release of the original Star Wars trilogy:


I dunno...it looks a bit like a Photoshop job to me. Still, if Lucas is really planning to go down this road, it seems a bit unfair that Dark Side poster boy Anakin would get to spend eternity with a hip, youthful astral projection, whereas good guys Obi-Wan and Yoda get stuck as a septuagenarian and a Muppet, respectively.

Posted by Jess at 04:50 PM | Comments (3)
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No one has ever called me his princess before! (giggle)

A recent comment from deep, deep in the Apropos of Something archives (in response to a positively thrilling entry about preventative PC maintenance):


I feel your pain princess, and I'd liyour number. You sound hott! how old are you, please send a picture.

I'm 26, and I'll send a photo as soon as my lastest round of tasteful glamour shots are back from the studio. Thanks for reading...

Posted by Jess at 12:53 PM | Comments (4)
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Monday, May 17, 2004

Then I do what with my what now?

Teedz pointed me toward this bit of news:

Childless couple told to try sex

A German couple who went to a fertility clinic after eight years of marriage have found out why they are still childless -- they weren't having sex.

The University Clinic of Lubek said they had never heard of a case like it after examining the couple who went to see them last month for fertility tests.

Doctors subjected them to a series of examinations and found they were both apparently fertile, and should have had no trouble conceiving.

A clinic spokesman said: "When we asked them how often they had had sex, they looked blank, and said: "What do you mean?".

"We are not talking retarded people here, but a couple who were brought up in a religious environment who were simply unaware, after eight years of marriage, of the physical requirements necessary to procreate."

The 30-year-old wife and her 36-year-old husband are now being given sex therapy lessons while the university clinic undertakes a study to try to find out if there are more couples with a similar lack of sex education.

Sometimes I wonder if the news agencies hire people to come up with stories like this just to see how long it takes them to spread around the blogosphere.

Posted by Jess at 04:28 PM | Comments (4)
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They got a pepper bar!

We love the subs! 'Cuz we are filthy rats!Lachlan recently wrote about Quiznos' now-infamous spongemonkeys commercial at My So-Called Blog, declaring it the worst commerical of all time. I tend to agree. As I commented on her entry, the ad disturbed me from the first time I saw it a few months back. In fact, all I could think while watching these freaky little creatures dance across my television screen was, "Quiznos has rat meat in its sandwiches. Those things are rats, and they’re in the sandwiches." At that point, I swore that I would never set foot in a Quiznos.

Perhaps I spoke too soon. A few weeks ago, my wife and I decided on a whim that we would try a Quiznos sub (I guess rat meat sounded tasty to us at the time for whatever reason). So, we went to the local franchise and hopped in line. After a couple of minutes of studying the menu, I turned to Kourtney to ask what she was thinking about ordering. It was then that I noticed her eyes were bloodshot, streaming tears, and becoming swollen. And by "swollen," I mean that her corneas were literally swelling up around her contact lenses.

Naturally, we left Quiznos immediately. After about five minutes in the car, however, all of Kourtney's symptoms had disappeared and she was feeling fine. Needless to say, we concluded that it was something in Quiznos that caused the flare-up. Her theory was that the much-ballyhooed toasting of the Quiznos subs essentially aerosolized the oregano and other spices used in preparing the sandwiches, irritating her eyes in the process. My theory was, and remains, that she's allergic to rat meat.

Meanwhile, on the ride home, we began composing our own ad jingle: "We love the subs! They make our eyes swell shut..."

Posted by Jess at 11:26 AM | Comments (8)
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Sunday, May 16, 2004

The historical epic: Hollywood's Achilles heel

Evil Doug has posted a short review of the recently-released Troy. I've reproduced an excerpt below. Be forewarned, however, that this post may contain minor spoilers for a 2,800-year-old story (not to mention a really bad Gene Shalit impression toward the end):

...okay, here'e my problem, mates. Briseis is with Achilles, right? He just killed dozens upon dozens of her countrymen AND at his order, her temple was sacked and her fellow priests killed AND Achilles himself beheaded the statue of the god she had sworn her service to. Okay...that known...what was up with her putting the knife to his throat...then getting him to say that he'll kill even more people if she doesn't kill him...and then HAVING SEX WITH HIM?!?!?!?


He DEFILED her temple, KILLED her countrymen, and she gets all hot for him? HUH?!?!

Sure, it's a little odd that a woman who has devoted her life to serving as an Apollonian virgin would give it all up to sleep with the guy who just killed her fellow priests and is currently in the process of sacking her city (when he isn't off sulking in his tent, of course). What I found even stranger, though, was how Briseis would go from being all dirty during her dialogue scenes with Achilles, with dishevelled hair and a blood-smeared face, to being completely glammed-out during the sex scenes -- and right back to looking haggard afterwards.

Posted by Jess at 11:52 AM | Comments (1)
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Saturday, May 15, 2004

The Justice Ponies of America

Sometimes, when you're surfing the web, you discover a site that blows you away with clever content, elegant design, and beautiful graphics. Other times, you stumble across a guy who's repainted a bunch of My Little Pony dolls to resemble members of the Justice League of America. Allow me to introduce Batpony, the Martian Ponyhunter, and...er, the Green Pony Lantern:

The Dark Hoofed Detective J'onn P'onzz

In brightest hay, in darkest night...

You can view the rest of the Justice Ponies of America here.

Posted by Jess at 08:45 AM | Comments (4)
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Friday, May 14, 2004

New Orleans, May 2004

As I mentioned a few posts back, my wife and I spent the last few days vacationing in New Orleans. In the past, I had always wondered what people did when they went on vacation and ended up getting rained on for much of their trip. Well, now I know the answer: they make do and try to enjoy themselves anyway.

Yep, we were caught out in the rain more than a few times while in the Big Easy (and enjoyed overcast skies for much of the remainder of our vacation). Nevertheless, we still had an absolute blast. We walked the French Quarter diagonally and then from side to side, toured the Garden District, rode the St. Charles Streetcar, visited an above-ground cemetary, got accosted by street performers, loitered around on Bourbon Street, and ate some delicious cajun cuisine. Sure, the rain forced us indoors a few times, but we made the most of it by catching a 3D IMAX movie and a showing of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (great flick, by the way). All in all, it turned out to be a restful and fun trip -- despite the rainy weather.

Several photos from our trip are included in the extended entry. Hover over the images for a description and click to embiggen.

Posted by Jess at 07:16 PM | Comments (0)
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Are you gonna be my blog?

Wizbang recently hosted a Survivor All-Stars contest, and it seems that I won the grand prize -- a free two-week BlogAd on Wizbang -- with my pick of Amber winning over Boston Rob in the final vote. After much deliberation, here's the ad that I eventually worked up:


Here's hoping that Apple isn't feeling particularly litigious these days.

Posted by Jess at 03:45 PM | Comments (2)
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Thursday, May 13, 2004

Jackson Square at Night

I was just downloading photos from our camera before hitting the sack and couldn't resist posting this shot that Kourtney took of Jackson Square during a rain shower last night. For what it's worth, we didn't do any Photoshopping whatsoever (click the image for a larger view):


I'll have a few more tomorrow...

Posted by Jess at 11:11 PM | Comments (2)
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It was the one-armed man!

Kourtney and I just returned from a lovely little vacation in New Orleans only to discover a letter from our car insurance company informing us that they have canceled our policy due to my involvement in an automobile accident in early March. Fair enough, right? Well, here's the catch: I haven't been involved in any accidents. Nevertheless, since there's an alleged accident from March showing up on my driving record that we didn't disclose to the insurance company, they've chosen to terminate our policy -- effective next week. The next step, I suppose, is calling the DMV and attempting to get to the bottom of this.

My theory? I bet the same guy who framed me for a parking violation I didn't commit a few months ago is behind this somehow. Either that, or I'm suffering from multiple personality disorder, which would explain both the mysterious accident and the parking ticket.

Bah. I need sleep. I'll post some photos from the Big Easy tomorrow.

Posted by Jess at 10:10 PM | Comments (2)
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Monday, May 10, 2004

We'll be back after these messages...

I'm going to be away from the computer for the next few days, but I should be back by Friday with some fun new stories and maybe even a photo or two. In the meantime, taking a page from Sugarmama's playbook, I thought I'd give you guys the chance to suggest a topic or two you'd like to see me blog about when I return. Is there a subject you'd like to see discussed? A story you'd like to hear told? A burning question you'd like answered?

If so, post your suggestion in this entry's comments, and I just might take a stab at it when I return. If not, carry on about your business as you would normally, and I'll see you on Friday.

Posted by Jess at 07:11 AM | Comments (2)
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Sunday, May 09, 2004

Moral dilemma

My lawn mower and my VCR both gave up the ghost today. Which shall I replace first?

Posted by Jess at 11:09 PM | Comments (9)
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Saturday, May 08, 2004

Tales from the Classroom: Popular and Hot

An excerpt from an essay I recently read:

Compared to other industrialized democracies, the welfare state in the U.S. is not all that popular and hot.

Sure, I know what the student was getting at, but as I read it, I couldn't help but imagine someone saying, "Man, get a load of the social programs on that Sweden! That's HOT!"

Posted by Jess at 02:18 PM | Comments (2)
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Friday, May 07, 2004

The latest object of my misplaced reality TV scorn

Dost my ears deceive, or did resident Survivor All-Stars idiot Big Tom attribute the quotation "Et tu, Brute?" to Jesus during last night's tribal council?

I think you're a little confused there, Big Tom. Jesus actually said, "Fredo, you're my older brother and I love you, but don't ever take sides with anyone against the family again. Ever." The "Et tu, Brute?" line was what Hulk Hogan said to Randy Savage right before the Megapowers exploded at Wrestlemania V.

Posted by Jess at 08:29 AM | Comments (3)
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Wednesday, May 05, 2004

I take back everything bad I ever said about the journal submission process...

I just received word from what is now my favorite journal that it's going to pubish my first-ever refereed article! For those keeping score at home, it's a co-authored piece on environmental scarcity and interstate/intrastate conflict -- you know, fun stuff.

Posted by Jess at 05:28 PM | Comments (5)
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