A filk song, please somebody, check it

[Goran Topic <topic@STUDENT.MATH.HR>]

This is a little something I wrote for Intersection in lojban,
then translated into English. Tell me if you like it, and please
correct any mistakes. The melody is Nostalgia, the song Croatia
sent to the Eurosong contest this year, doesn't matter if you
don't know. Some of the terbasna is no good, but I hope it could
be tolerated a bit in a sung text.

me lo fasnrtulumu pebu'u la zagreb. .i fu'e

pa no no la xrvat. klama le xarfikygri
.i ri cu cnino so'e lo ra .ui
.i tu'a xy. roda spaji
tai le tolsmaji

.i xy. cu zdile jebo xajmi mutce
.i ri cu pinxe .ue lo dijmai .u'e
.isemu'ibo ko klama lo xy. munje
noi mi'amujmle

.i klapajytce .i klapajytce fa le la xrvat. fekypre
.i le pemfinti ba .ei finti lo basti be .oi dei
.i ko poi fapro cu se kajde le nunsorkla be le
klapajytce

.i klapajytce .i klapajytce fa le la xrvat. fekypre
.i le pemfinti ba .ei finti lo basti be .oi dei
.i ko poi fapro cu se kajde le nunsorkla be le
klapajytce

.i kumfa tepi'o da poi banli jikfau
.i ko .au zvati mu'i lenu tcelau
gi'e noda selbai co pinxe lo rigjau
.i ko klama .au

.i klapajytce .i klapajytce fa le la xrvat. fekypre
.i le pemfinti ba .ei finti lo basti be .oi dei
.i ko poi fapro cu se kajde le nunsorkla be le
klapajytce

ki'anaicai

.i klapajytce .i klapajytce fa le la xrvat. fekypre
gi'e zmadu le selgu'e be la mars. le ni go'e
.i ko poi fapro cu se kajde le nunsorkla be le
klapajytce

.ui

fu'o fa'o (Only the part between fu'e and fu'o is a part of the song!)


Tulum in Zagreb

A hundred of Croats are coming to the Con
and they know nothing 'bout what's going on
so they're planning a surprise of their own
not quite a quiet one.

Croats are oh so funny and amusing;
They drink the concrete, hey, no fooling!
Therefore visit that world of smiling,
do come right in.

Invading horde, invading horde! The Croat people board!
The author of this filk should really make this sentence up, or...
You who wouldn't let us: do beware of our crazy sword!
Invading horde! (2x)

There's a room for one hell of a party.
You better come, it'll be so loud and funny
and no one has to drink the water, come and see
our fan family!

Invading horde, invading horde! The Croat people board!
The author of this filk should really make this sentence up, or...
You who wouldn't let us: do beware of our crazy sword!
Invading horde!

(I got it!)

Invading horde, invading horde! The Croat people board!
They're all the Martians are, no, even mucho mucho more!
You who wouldn't let us: do beware of our crazy sword!
Invading horde!

Yeeeeeah!

(More or less. The translation was less intended to be accurate than
singable. There are several rough spots (hell, call it martian landscape!)
but I couldn't think of anything better. Any suggestions/critiques/etc.
welcome.

--
 //       le ka misno cu zasni       \\
|| .i ku'i le ka tolterju'o cu vitno  ||
 \\       .i co'o mi'e. goran.       //